by Aynur Durak
The world we live in is full of paradoxes – statements or situations that contradict themselves but reveal deeper truths or complexities in doing so. For instance, there is the Paradox of Value, also known as the diamond-water paradox. This situation questions why water, which is essential for life, is far cheaper than diamonds, which have less practical utility. A similar paradox is the Paradox of Happiness: the more you try to pursue happiness directly, the more fleeting it becomes. Happiness often comes as a byproduct of living life, not by actively searching for it.

One of the most interesting paradoxes I’ve ever heard of is the Paradox of Choice, which states that even not choosing is a choice. This paradox prompts us to ask: why is it still a choice if no choice was made?
When we think about life, we often overlook how many choices we make by not choosing at all. For example, many people do not participate in elections. While their reasons may vary, some state that they do not want to make a decision when it comes to voting for a party. Again, the reasons for these thoughts can vary, but here is the catch: by choosing not to choose, we are still making a choice. It sounds complicated, yet it is so simple.
If you do not vote for any party, your vote does not simply disappear. In many ways, your choice not to vote impacts the overall outcome, as it influences the proportion of votes each party receives and can affect the final result.
Consider the decision to adopt new technology in the workplace. Some employees might resist adopting new software or tools, preferring to stick with familiar methods. Their reasons for not embracing the new technology can vary – from comfort with the old system to a lack of confidence in their ability to learn the new one. However, by choosing not to adopt the new technology, they are still making a significant choice. This choice can impact their productivity and the overall efficiency of the team.

Just like in the case of voting, the decision not to engage with new technology doesn’t just fade away; it has real consequences. The company may face slower progress, decreased competitiveness, or missed opportunities for innovation. In this way, the choice not to choose is still a powerful decision with tangible effects.
So why does that matter? Every day, we find ourselves at crossroads requiring us to make choices, but the significance of each decision varies, impacting us on different levels. Choosing cereal for breakfast instead of butter and toast feels like a no-brainer to me after 26 years of living. Yet, the choice to apply for a Fulbright scholarship, travel to the U.S., meet dozens of new people, and participate in activities halfway across the globe – that was not as easy as eating cereal. Why? Because the higher the risk feels, the higher the regrets could be.
Choosing to move to another country and face unknown situations can be frightening. There’s no denying that. Yet somehow, it is also exhilarating, knowing that it could all end in the adventure of a lifetime. On the other hand, it can also be comforting to stay in your hometown, continuing to work on what you are currently doing, applying for a job, and building a stable life. It can be safe, easy, and most of all, secure. So…what now? What do you do if you can’t decide what to choose? What if you think: I don’t want to choose because both paths have their own unique opportunities and risks. How do you navigate the fear of missing out on either adventure or stability? The indecision can feel overwhelming, leaving you stuck at the crossroads, wondering which path will lead to a more fulfilling life.
Years ago, I found myself stuck in that particular situation. I have to admit, the number of people I asked for advice was embarrassing. As an adult, not being able to make this choice felt degrading and, in many ways, undeserving – undeserving of the opportunities in a foreign country and undeserving of the opportunities at home.
Long story short: I chose to travel abroad three times. The first time was the best time of my life, the second time was the worst, and the third time was just alright.
Still, there was one question that stuck in my mind throughout the whole process of choosing: What if I don’t choose at all? What if I don’t travel abroad, and what if I don’t use the opportunities at home? What if I just don’t do anything and “go with the flow” (whatever that was supposed to mean)? When I shared this thought with my mother, I received the most impactful advice of my life. The conversation went something like this:
“So you choose not to choose?”
“Well, it’s not a choice if I don’t make a choice!”
“Well, it is.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Yes, it is.”
“No, it’ss not.”
Well, it is. She went on to explain:
“If you choose either of these two paths, you will at least know the outcome of one of them, no matter which one it is. But if you choose not to decide, you will forever, for the rest of your life, regret not even trying one of them. And I’d rather regret choosing something than regret not choosing anything at all.”
As human beings, we often tend to find people who will make choices for us. We hope that our parents, our partners, our friends, or even our children will show us the direction to the right path. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what we decide upon, as long as we still decide. As long as we take our own lives into our hands and shape them according to our imagination. If we do not pick up the paintbrush and start to paint, no matter what, we choose not to shape our lives at all. We choose to stay right where we are, with no hope of ever evolving or growing. Wouldn’t that be the biggest regret of all? Knowing that we were so afraid of making the wrong decision, we decided to do nothing at all?
We tend to get so obsessed with choosing what’s right that we don’t realize that whatever we choose will be alright. Because life has this habit of leading us right where we belong, with all our mistakes, our adventures, and all of who we are.
Whenever I find myself stuck at a crossroads, I think back to this sentence: “I’d rather regret choosing something than regret not choosing anything at all.” So whatever it is that you struggle with or that is challenging your sleep late at night, I hope that you risk the risk itself, rather than be stuck right where you are.
So choose, for making a choice will bring you to where you belong and where you can grow. Choose, not for the world, but for yourself.
And honestly? Have fun with whatever you do. Because in the blink of an eye, it will all be over so fast, you’ll believe it was all just a dream, rather than life itself.

Author Info:
Aynur Durak, raised in Berlin, Germany, is a multilingual student of intercultural communications with a focus on diversity and equality in the workplace. As a Fulbright alumna who participated in the Fulbright Diversity Initiative at Trinity University in San Antonio (TX) in 2019, she is the author of several publications, including her poetry books The Universe in Me and Flowers of Mercury. Currently, she is working on her research on microaggressive behavior in the workplace and its influence on diverse employees and their psychological health.